INCIPIT
Certe sere, quando torno a casa, mi sfilo la giacca e metto sù una tazza di té,
e ogni volta che osservo l’acqua che si scalda, qualcosa mi conduce a un pensiero, a un ricordo rimosso, a un pezzo di me che ho fatto finta di dimenticare.
Oggi ho pensato che se dovessimo mai trovare un modo per vivere in eterno sono certo che presto o tardi ne cercheremmo uno per morire.
Credo che a volte sia una consolazione sapere che dovrà finire, sapere che c’è un confine, un congedo, un’ultima tazza di té, insomma, qualcosa che rappresenti un “adesso lasciatemi andare”.
Perché in fondo è così: senza una fine certe cose, certe vite, non comincerebbero mai.
Ma ogni volta che ci penso, mi tornano in mente le parole di una donna che pochi giorni prima di morire, con gli occhi rugosi e lo sguardo smarrito, mi confessò di aver passato la sua intera esistenza nella speranza che prima o poi, la vita, quella vera, sarebbe cominciata.
Da quel momento, e sono passati anni, non smetto di chiedermelo
Come sarebbe scoprire, alla fine, di non avere mai iniziato?
E adesso comincio a vederlo chiaro come non mai.
A volte aspettiamo una vita intera per cambiare le cose, da dimenticarci persino che cosa volevamo cambiare.
A volte aspettiamo solo di non avere più il tempo di cambiarle e siamo disposti a morire pur di non farlo.
Perché in effetti credo che la nostra paura più grande non sia tanto la fine
Ma l’inizio.
Perché iniziare vuol dire decidere di esistere e per quella roba lì non esiste anestesia.
Là fuori la gente dice di voler ricominciare, di voler ripartire e si racconta delle storie bellissime. Altre città, altre persone da incontrare, amori da vivere, magari dei figli.
La Felicità.
Finalmente la felicità.
Poi però la vita ti risucchia nella sua schizofrenia e tu senti il tempo scorrere, ineluttabile.
Ti guardi allo specchio e non ti riconosci più.
Ci sono notti in cui viene a trovarmi un fantasma..
È il fantasma la persona che avrei sempre desiderato diventare e credimi che non sono quasi mai delle visite di cortesia.
Ma in quei momenti mi viene voglia di rinascere, mi rannicchio nel letto e provo a raccontarmi un nuovo inizio.
Perché tanto una fine la si trova sempre, e se proprio non la trovi, stai tranquillo, sarà lei a trovarti.
Per questo credo che in tutta questa storia, la vera questione non sia trovare un buon finale o cercare in tutti i modi di capire come andrà a finire, ma cercare un inizio, un buon incipit.
E magari un po’ di te
Angelo Ricci
“Ho visto sogni che voi umani potreste realizzare”.
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